The Day After - A letter to the Grandparents and Uncle

Dear Grandpa, Gigi and Uncle Austin,

Late last night was a little hard. Too much cake and a belly ache does not a happy boy make. But after a BIG poop and a full nights sleep we are all recovered from a great birthday bash.

This morning was all about the monster pj's and the farm truck! Eeee aye Eeee aye Oh! Thanks Grandpa, Gigi and Uncle Austin!

This afternoon we're rockin' the dump truck! We have to learn how to ride this thing...

Can't wait to see you again!

Love Finn and Lace

The Challenge

Finally...I have done it. I have an Etsy shop.

(What is Etsy? It is a place for people to sell handmade and vintage items and supplies)

The first step was coming up with a name. It took weeks. I am serious...weeks! I pondered and pondered and would look it up in etsy and someone would always have it! When I would finally find something that was not taken I would run it by Patrick and he would give me his thoughts. But nothing felt right.

I got frustrated and overwhelmed and Patrick suggested Lacy's Basement. (I know, it sucks right!) I think his thoughts were something like this..."Her name is Lacy...She works in her studio, in the basement..DONE."

So I went with it. Whatever right? I mean Patrick works for a company called Trader Joe's...Who the hell is Joe and why is he a Traitor?

Anyway...

I did all the work. Set up the site. Got the paypal and email etc. etc. etc. dialed. Done and done.

And then I went to Fake Thanksgiving...

There (after quite a few glasses of wine) Patrick and I ran the name by our friend Tyler. He tore it to shreds. And rightly so! Lacy's Basement!? What was I thinking! It makes me think of two things now...a bargain basement full of horrible overly priced used clothing and someone selling crack to teenagers.

The next day I destroyed Lacy's Basement.

Another week of pondering and many more choices...Rock, Paper, Silver - Finn and Lace - Laced - Kiss My Ass Creations - Vitruvian Studios etc. etc. etc.

I just let go. I resigned to using the very un-creative backup - my name. Lacy McKinney.

But then I was listening to "Dead Leaves and The Dirty Ground" written by The White Strips but I was listening to the Chris Thile version. These lyrics popped out:

"thirty notes in the mailbox

will tell ya that I'm coming home
and I think I'm gonna stick around
for a while so you're not alone
for a while so you're not alone"

Coming Home! It screamed to me. I work in my home...I originally wanted to study the idea of "home" for my thesis...Who doesn't love home?!....

And at last there was Coming Home Studios.

Now I just have to make some fresh work to fill it.

I'll be in the studio.

~LDM

For FInn

June 14^th, 2010

10:04pm

Monday

Dear Finnegan,

I am sitting in our living room right now. It is very peaceful, very quiet. Harvey, our new dog sits behind me on the rug. You helped me pick him out while Papa was at work.

Right now you are asleep in your room, in your crib wrapped up tight like a mummy; sucking away on your binks.

Papa is asleep in our room. Most likely snoring.

You are practically 7 months old! Dear Lord the time has flown by. You are getting so big and learning new things every day. Your favorite food is sweet potatoes and you hate peas. You also love graham crackers but are still learning to chew and try to swallow them whole so I do not give them to you often.

You are learning how to pet dogs. There are many in our lives. You sing little songs to yourself while I push you around the neighborhood in your stroller. You drool a lot because you are cutting teeth, which Mama hopes happens soon because it seems painful.

You are the only boy on our block so far…but that will hopefully change soon. You look like superman when you try to crawl but you still don’t get it yet. You sit on the potty and sometimes go like such a big boy and we clap and laugh and go back to our busy days.

I love the way you smell. I constantly want to hold you and nuzzle your fat neck. When you cry I love to scoop you out of your crib and fly you through the air because I know one day you will be a man and I will not be able to lift you.

Every morning I bring you into our bed so you can sleep in my arms. I wish I could do this forever.

You are amazing.

You always will be.

I love you.

Mama

Finnegan James McKinney

A few days old...

Here at 3 months.

I know, I know.

This is so late.

Finnegan James McKinney

December 2nd 2009

8 pounds 6 ounces

20 inches

The Ultimate Question...

When will this baby come?

Everyone (yes, EVERYONE) wants to know. I am getting phone calls, text messages, emails, facebook posts all about when the baby will be here. I avoid cashiers and sales people if I can, because even they ask "so when is that baby coming? any day now, right?"

AHHHHHH!!!!!

Let me put it as plain as I can: I do not know.

That's right, I am carrying this child but I do not know when it will come. I am just as excited to see the little one as you all are, but no one is giving me any hints to when baby will decide to come. And it makes it really really hard to be patient when someone brings it up every 10 seconds.

So if I don't call you back, its not because I don't love you...its because I do not want to chat about when baby is coming. I'm trying to relax.

I am fine.
Baby is fine.
And I will let you all know when the little one arrives. You can put your money on that.

Its Been a While...

Patrick and I: May 2009
It has been awhile since I have last written and in that time I have gone from that to this:

Same dress, barely fits. September 2009

I know I have not blogged about pretty much any of this pregnancy here. I have actually not blogged about anything. Why? I don't know.

But here I am towards the end and I feel like I need to share. It has been a hard road, harder than I thought it would be. The baby feels like it could be here at any time and I feel so un-prepared. There is so much to do. Car seats to install, birth tubs and supplies to buy, lists to write, etc.

Everyone I had met before I was prego said that being pregnant was wonderful.

Either A: they are all liars. or B: Just my pregnancy sucks.

I got really bad nausea in the beginning and now it is back. I have been feeling sick every morning for a week straight, so yes, I think it is back. I have had horrible acne. To the point where I do not want to leave my home. My body hurts almost constantly. I feel bruised and achy. I have had vivid nightmares and not the sex dreams others spoke of. Okay there have been a couple sex dreams but the nightmares outweigh them easily. And I am tired. VERY tired.

And then there was that bought of depression where I cried daily for no reason, did not want to get out of bed and had suicidal thoughts. NOT a good time if you ask me. NOT the glowing beautiful mother-to-be I envisioned.

I feel now though that I have finally got a grasp on how to be pregnant. I know what to do when the nausea hits, I have found my own system to dealing with the acne and the aches. And I have found a way to attack the depression....creating art, journaling, exercising, increased fish oil and talking, talking, talking about my feelings.

And to keep the nightmares at bay - praying is the only thing that seems to work.

Not liking pregnancy has been a hard thing to talk about. People ask me often "How are you feeling?" and usually I say "Good." Do they really want me to go into all the details of how much this sucks? Probably not.

But I do wish someone had told me. I felt so prepared at the beginning. I had just finished my college thesis on birth...how could I not be prepared? But everything I had heard or read that was about how it felt was all rosy. I think it might be a trick our body's play on us to do this again. I think maybe some sort of hormone or chemical is released during birth to make us want to make more babies.
I was talking to my friend Jessie a while ago who has a three year old. I asked how her pregnancy was, she said it was great. And then I started complaining and she said that yes, she had some of the same problems but it is easy to forget when there is a beautiful baby in your arms.

So I want to document this misery somehow, so if I forget once my body is pumped up on oxytocin from birth and I start craving to be pregnant again, I will have something to remind myself of this time.

I am excited to meet my baby, someone I have lived with yet never met. And I fall more and more in love with my child as it changes inside me. But I do want my body back. I want to feel sexy again. I want to have my emotions in check again.

I am trying my best to enjoy these last days. Days of being somewhat childless. Days of being pregnant. I am trying to focus on the good things about that and not the bad.

But to all you not-pregnant- yet ladies out there: pregnancy is a big jump off a huge cliff, don't be shocked if it is not as sweet and rosy as you think it will be. Some people free fall to the bottom while others hit every rock on the way down. Either way, in the end, you will be a mother. Which is more amazing and beautiful than I could put into words here.

LDM

It's Worse Than You Think.

I am so tired of feeling sick all day long.
I constantly feel like I am going to throw up, or I am throwing up, or at least dry heaving.
FUN.

Everyone knows about morning sickness. But no one told me how bad it could be.
This how my day goes: Wake up, roll over and eat some crackers before I even think of raising my head from the pillow. Get up, go straight to the kitchen and eat something usually paired with yogurt to help my stomach calm down. Make my pregnancy tea. And drink a shot of ginger brew. Take vitamins in the middle of meal to make sure not to get more nauseous. Go lay down in bed with my "throw up" bowl and wait.

Then force my way through the rest of the day feeling extremely nauseous. Sucking on lemons, eating a small meal every two hours with some protein, eyeing the nearest receptacles in case of emergency.

Fun, I know.

People have been asking me a lot lately...."How are you feeling?" My answer is always, "Horrible." And I am thinking in my head: In fact I feel really bad right now, but go ahead, it's okay, touch my stomach, tell me about all the great babies in your life and all the great baby paraphernalia you know of and ask me if its a boy or a girl. I will grin and try not to look to queasy.

I really do want to hear all those things from people. I just really don't want to puke on them and that is hard work.

My midwives and everyone I talk to keep telling me that once I am in my second trimester things will get better and the "good" hormones will kick in and I will feel fantastic. And to keep up the ginger and the eating small meals etc.

Well, I've been in my second trimester for over a week now. No signs of feeling better. It's hard to write this. Reading and writing even make me nauseous.

I just want to enjoy my body again! I never knew how good I had it, feeling well everyday. I want to enjoy food again! And not have to consider everything I am eating as something that might be coming back up. Once it comes back up, its a little scarring, for example, bananas are now so unappealing to me.

Please Lord! Let me get the "good" hormones really soon.


PS: Photos found in local antique store. Love it.